


Do You Think I'm Gay?

by RandoFando_Spoonie



Series: Do You Think I'm Gay? Series [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 4.03 Coda, 4.05 coda, Buck has questions, Buck is nervous, Buck opens up, Crossover Coda, Episode Aftermath, First Kiss, Hen is a Saint, Hilarity Ensues, Josh has questions, Josh is also confused, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sharing a Bed, Spoilers, buck is confused, episode coda, josh makes a decision, spending the night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29185083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandoFando_Spoonie/pseuds/RandoFando_Spoonie
Summary: TK's parting words to Buck leave him questioning, thinking back he wonders about a few things. So he asks Hen for help and clarification. Except, it doesn't really work that well.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Josh Russo, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo
Series: Do You Think I'm Gay? Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172186
Comments: 108
Kudos: 217





	1. Do I Come Off as Gay?

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning, DO NOT GET YOUR HOPES UP... this is not and will not be a Buddie fic. Sorry, not sorry. I do not write Buddie. This is a Buck fic first and foremost. Thanks.

“Hen, do I come off as... gay?” Buck sat in the back of the 118 truck on the way back to LA and looked at his friend and co-worker.

Eddie was passed out and the others were up front. Hen blinked at Buck and seemed to be debating how to answer that.

“What makes you ask that?” She replied, clearly giving herself more time to think.

“Nothing. I mean... well not nothing.” Buck sighed, “When we were saying good bye to the team from Austin? I mentioned to TK that if he ever in LA we should get together.”

“Uh-huh.” She prompted, pretty sure she knew what was coming.

“And he said he'd like that but I should know he has a boyfriend and that it's serious.” Buck frowned, “The thing is, he's not even the first person to sorta hint that they think I might be into guys. So, do I come off as...gay?”

It was a Herculean effort but Hen managed not to laugh at what Buck said because honestly, that was too damn perfect. She sighed softly and looked at Buck.

“Buck, I love you sweetie, you're a great kid but...” She patted his knee, “You don't exactly come off as strictly straight.”

Buck blinked at her, clearly not having been expecting that answer, “I don't?”

“Uh-huh.” Hen smiled softly, “You're a good looking man, you take care of yourself, you and Eddie spend a -lot- of time together.”

“Eddie's my best friend, why wouldn't we spend a lot of time together?” Buck protested, “And Christopher's amazing, why would I not want to spend time with him?”

“Buck, honey, you spend as much time with Eddie as I do with Karen. More. Because you two work together. You're constantly at his place or he's at yours. Christopher calls you “his Buck” like Nia and Denny call me Momma Hen.” She shrugged, “You haven't really dated since Ali left. And yes, it is -much- preferable to Buck 1.0, I'm just saying that, you might not come across as gay but you don't come across as straight either.”

Buck frowned, “Huh.” He sat back and leaned against the seat in the truck, “I just... the elf one Christmas, she told me Eddie and I had a beautiful son. She was so sweet and sincere I couldn't burst her bubble you know? And then Josh made a comment about Maddie setting us up with each other and Maddie didn't even disagree exactly, she just said she liked Josh too much to set him up with me. Not that she wouldn't because I'm not into guys. And now TK... am I missing something?”

Hen sighed, “Buck, you are making it very hard for me to -not- laugh at you. But I know you're not trying to so, I'm gonna give you a break. Yes, I think you might be missing something.”

Buck blinked, “I... but...” He frowned deeply, “So, what do I do? How do I... know?”

Hen shook her head, “I am the -wrong- person to ask that question Buckaroo. I have known who I am my whole life. I never questioned it, never second guessed it. If you think you might be gay or bisexual or something else? You might wanna talk to someone. Look online for an LGBT support line, call them, I'm sure they'd be able to find you someone to talk to.”

Buck frowned again, “Oh. Huh. Alright, thanks Hen.”

Hen nodded, “Anytime Buckaroo, though, easiest way might to just... kiss a guy. I mean, it might be that he's the -wrong- guy, but it might help?”

Buck blinked at Hen, “Who would I kiss? The only gay guy I know is Josh!”

Hen shrugged, “How should I know? Though that sounds like a good start.”

Buck scrubbed a hand down his face, “I guess. Uh, thanks Hen.”

“Sure Buck. Anytime.” She smiled and then shifted to get comfortable.

Buck's brain wouldn't shut off, not right away so he took his phone out and texted Josh.

B: _Hey, this is gonna sound really weird, but when I get back to LA can we get together? I'm... I need some help figuring some stuff out and I don't really know anyone else that might be able to help._


	2. Your Place or Mine? Whatever's Easier.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets Buck's text message, Buck gets home from Texas and decides to strike while the iron is hot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so glad you all are liking the story so far! Here's hoping it continues to be funny and happy and enjoyable. Buck is one of my favourite characters and before we get to the "reveal" of the family secret on Monday I want Buck to have some fun.

Josh stared at his phone, the text had come through while he was on a call so he hadn't had a chance to look at it, but now he standing in the break room, coffee partway to his mouth, phone in hand staring at the message from Buck as if it would make more sense the longer the stared at it. He forced himself to take that sip of coffee and sighed, Buck needed help and -he- was the only one he could think of to help him with it? Josh gave his head a shake to clear it, set down the coffee cup and replied to the text.

J: _Sure Buck, let me know when you're home and we'll figure out a time to get together. Your place or mine? I know Albert's still living with you, so whatever's easier._

He sent the message before he could second guess it and then headed back to the phones. He watched May on the phones for a moment, glad to see the young woman slowly getting into the swing of things. He sat down, put his headset back on and took his next call.

“9-1-1, what's your emergency?”

* * *

The truck pulled into the 118 and Hen nudged him awake like she had in Texas, “Buck, we're home. Wake up.”

Buck stretched, groaned and all but tumbled out of the truck. “Thanks Hen.”

The rest of the team welcomed them back but Buck was distracted, he'd checked his messages and now he had butterflies in his stomach. He wandered off away from the group and texted Josh back.

B: _Hey man, dozed off in the truck but home now. And uh... yours. You're right, with Albert staying with me I'd rather do this... privately if that's okay with you?_

Josh's response didn't take that long.

J: _I'm free now if you are._

Buck texted back a quick 'on my way', grabbed his stuff and headed out. He could tell the team was confused, well, other than Hen but he tried not to think too much about it.

The drive Josh's building took way too long and yet no time at all. He licked his lips and then wiped them off, putting on lip balm instead; he knew the fire probably dried them out and if there was even a chance they might kiss he wanted it to be as good for Josh as possible.

Buck jogged up the stairs to Josh's apartment and knocked on the door. He was nervous, really nervous which was the only reason he could come up with later for why, when Josh opened the door and smiled at him the first thing that popped out of his mouth was:

“Can I kiss you?”


	3. Why Would You Say Repressed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh reacts to Buck's question, asks some of his own and comes to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god you guys, you have no idea how much I enjoyed all your comments on the last chapter. And the near universal "smooth Buck, real smooth" vibe of pretty much -every- single one of them. LOL. We all know Buck has zero game when he's nervous so yeah... here's the aftermath. Hope you enjoy it.

“Can I kiss you?”

Of all the things that Josh had -ever- considered coming out of Evan Buckley's mouth -that- hadn't even made the list. His jaw dropped and then closed and then dropped again.

“What?” He managed to squeak.

Buck's face flamed, Josh swore he could see the colour rising like Yosemite Sam, though on Buck it was embarrassment, not anger. Buck blinked at Josh and reached up to rub the very red back of his neck, clearly having not expected to just blurt that out.

He ducked his head and lowered his hand, looking at Josh, “Sorry that...wasn't what I meant to say.” He gave an embarrassed chuckled, “Can I come in? Explain?”

Josh nodded, “Sure.” He stepped back and let Buck in, closing the door behind him. “So, you want to kiss me? How long has this been going on?”

Buck's face didn't get any less red, “Uh... I mean...” He stammered and then seemed to realize Josh was teasing him, “Jerk.”

Josh grinned, feeling a little better. He gently took Buck's elbow and led him to the couch, “Sit. I'll get us -both- something to drink and then we can talk.”

Buck nodded, scrubbing his face and trying to figure out how exactly to explain this. Josh came back with a beer for Buck and glass of wine for himself and took a seat next to Buck. Buck smiled, took a long drink and then sighed.

“Thanks.” He sighed a moment and looked Josh, “Do you think I'm gay?”

Josh nearly choked on his wine, staring at Buck a moment, “Pardon?”

Buck flushed again, “Sorry, sorry. This is all really confusing for me and I don't know really how to talk about it, but... do you think I'm gay?”

“No.” Josh sat back, sipped his wine and watched Buck a moment, “I remember Maddie telling me about Abby. And Buck 1.0, so no... I don't think you're gay Buck. Repressed bisexual, probably but not gay.”

Buck just stared at Josh, “Oh. Why would say repressed?”

“Because you've -clearly- never been with another guy before and you just blurted out two very confusing questions very quickly and well, you look like you're ready to cry.”

Buck frowned, nodding. “I just... when we were in Texas I met this other firefighter, TK Strand, he's from Austin. He and I sorta clicked, we're a lot alike, stuff in common in a way. Anyway, before we left I told him that if he was ever in LA, we should get together.”

“Mmhmmm.” Josh smiled, sipping his wine, “And let me guess, he said something about you not being his type but being flattered?”

Buck shook his head, “Not exactly, he told me he's already got a boyfriend and it's pretty serious.”

Josh cracked up, he had to set his wine down on the coffee table as he laughed. He held up a hand so Buck wouldn't get too upset or try and leave while he calmed himself down.

“Sorry, sorry, it's just...that's kind of perfect honestly.” He picked up his wine and took a drink, smiling at Buck, “You do realize you have this... vibe when you like someone.”

“I do?”

Josh nodded, “Oh yes.” He was still grinning, “And it's clear that this TK is definitely your type. You just don't realize it. Hence the repressed thing. So, why did you ask to kiss me?”

Buck's mouth opened and closed a few times and then he sighed, “I asked Hen a similar question on the ride home, because TK's not the first person to get that impression you know? I mean even Maddie sorta didn't really defend my being straight during that first poker night. And... I've been mistaken as Christopher's -other- father before I just...” He frowned, “You're right, I've never been with another guy and there -so- much to unpack there. My therapist is going to have a field day with this.”

Josh blinked, “You're seeing a therapist?”

Buck nodded, “Yeah, for personal reasons. Nothing job related. Only Maddie and Chim know.”

Josh nodded, “Alright, well, if it helps then it's a good thing.” He looked at Buck, “So why me?”

“You're the only single gay guy I know. Originally I thought you were the -only- gay guy I know but then I remembered Michael, but he's... got a boyfriend and he's old enough to be my dad and I think Athena would kill me if I even tried.”

Josh chuckled, “You could've just gone to a gay bar.”

Buck frowned, shaking his head. “If I'm gonna try and figure this out... I want it to be with someone I trust. Some I know won't hurt me or make fun of me if this all turns out to be something or if it turns out to not.”

Josh blinked. “Oh. Oh Buck.” He set the wine down again, took the beer from Buck and set it down too, turning so they were facing each other, “I would never.”

“I know.”

“Good.” Josh watched Buck for a moment and then gently cupped his cheek, “Yes, you can kiss me.”


	4. Or I Could Just Do This...

Now it was Buck's turn to stare at Josh. His hand was searing on his cheek as he stared into those beautiful brown eyes. Wait, he thought Josh's eyes were beautiful? Oh, okay that was new. He licked his lips and watched Josh.

“I can?” He managed, flushing as Josh laughed softly.

“Yes Buck, if you want to you can.”

“Oh.”

Josh chuckled, shaking his head, “Or I could just do this.”

Buck startled as Josh's lips met his own and then he swore he melted into the older man. Josh kept his hand on Buck's cheek, letting his thumb stroke gently along Buck's jaw as he slowly coaxed the him into reciprocating.

Buck shivered as his eyes slipped closed as he and Josh kissed for the first time. He could feel a slight roughness around Josh's lips that was new, he'd never really felt that with a woman. He fell into noticing the differences but also the similarities as their lips moved against each others' and when Josh's tongue licked against his Buck jerked back in surprise.

“Sorry, sorry, that was too fast wasn't it?” Josh looked flustered as he apologized and Buck felt the urge to soothe his frazzled nerves.

“No, it wasn't. I swear.” He shifted and caught Josh by the back of the neck and pulled him closer again, “Do it again.”

Josh blinked at Buck and then kissed him again, shivering as Buck reciprocated again and let his tongue slip and slide along Buck's lips. This time Buck moaned, opening for Josh and letting him deepen the kiss. This kiss lasted a long time and ended up with Josh on his back on the couch, Buck braced over him as they figured each other out a little bit more.

Buck slowly pulled back, staring down at Josh, both their lips reddened and a little swollen from their kissing.

“So...I -definitely- like kissing you.”

Josh flushed, “Good, because I really like kissing you too Buck.”

“More?”

“Oh yeah.” Josh reached up and pulled Buck closer, “You can lay down some, you won't hurt me.”

Buck flushed softly but shifted to slot their bodies and mouths together again, moaning as one of Josh's legs hooked over his hip and one of Josh's hands slid into his hair. He wrapped an arm around Josh's waist as they both sank into another incredible kiss Buck realized he could -really- get used to this.


	5. Take Two...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck has a few roller coaster days, at the end of it he goes home... only home it turns out may not be where he expects it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know I posted a chapter 5 already, some of you read it and I know there were a lot of mixed feelings. After it had been up for a few hours I realized the end of the chapter didn't fit the over all tone of the story so far and that a few characters were acting very Out of Character for no good reason. So I took the chapter down and I re-wrote the ending. I am much happier with this chapter, it definitely feels more in tune with how the story has gone thus far and I think makes for a much more satisfying ending and opens up many more, less angsty, avenues for the sequel. Enjoy Take Two!

When Buck had left Josh's place after coming home from Texas he didn't think he'd been that happy, that at peace with himself in a long time. Josh walked him to the door, all smiles even though his hair was a mess, his lips were red and his shirt was a rumpled. They hadn't moved passed making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers but Josh assured Buck that was okay, they didn't need to “do everything” if Buck didn't want to. And Buck didn't, not yet at least.

“Thank you Josh, really.” Buck spoke softly at the door, watching Josh's brown eyes twinkle with amusement.

“You're welcome Buck. And thank -you-, that was... honestly kind of amazing.”

Buck flushed as Josh complimented him but nodded, “Yeah, yeah it was.”

They shared one more soft, slow kiss and then Buck made himself leave. He didn't want to go any further till he was sure how he felt about Josh. The dispatcher had been through far too much recently to be toyed with. Besides, he was Maddie's best friend and if things went wrong between them it would make a lot of things really awkward.

“I'll text you when I get home, so you don't worry.” Buck had promised and he did.

That was three days ago and Buck's world had flipped entirely upside down in that short time. His parents had shown up, there was that disastrous dinner and now, he'd just found out he had a brother he'd never known, one he'd failed to save.

Buck was a wreck and Chimney pleading Maddie's case constantly wasn't helping much either. The fire at the sanitizer plant was just what he needed to get his mind off things. Or so he thought. But being trapped in the burning building, trying to get out, trying to save the one last person stuck in that building was harrowing in a way Buck had never felt before.

Hen's words, Athena's words, Bobby's too all helped ease an ache deep in his soul, helped him come to terms with some things he'd been struggling with since learning about Daniel. He sat in the hospital getting checked out, going through all the tests and such to make sure he was good.

When he'd arrived back at the firehouse he hadn't expected his parents to be there, not really. The conversation was still stilted, still strained but their acceptance of his nickname, even though they hated nicknames, felt like a step in the right direction. Dealing with Chimney afterwards, learning the truth about the SUV and what happened to Maddie had been heartbreaking.

Getting to the apartment though, seeing Maddie, finding out she'd kept the postcards and learning more about Daniel helped too. He'd stayed for dinner and when Maddie was ready for bed he headed home. He was exhausted, mentally more than physically, but he figured he'd go home, have a beer, and then get some sleep.

So why he was sitting in the parking lot of -Josh's- building of all places he wasn't sure. He didn't even remember making the decision to drive here and not home. He sighed heavily and picked up his phonne.

B: _I'm downstairs, any chance you're home and up for a visit?_

The reply came sooner than Buck expected and he felt some kind of tension he hadn't entirely realized he'd been holding drain out him.

J: _Absolutely. Come on up. I'll get us both a drink._

Buck got out of the jeep, snagged his jacket and pocketed his keys. He'd have one drink, maybe kiss Josh a few times and then he'd head home. That was the plan anyway, and then he saw Josh and his heart skipped a beat. Josh hugged him tight and Buck sighed softly, holding him close a few long moment before he shifted and kissed him deeply. He felt Josh shiver as they kissed in the door way to his apartment and Buck slowly steered them inside, kicking the door closed behind them

They made it to the couch and Josh pushed him down, moving to straddle his lap so they could keep kissing. Buck wasn't sure what was making Josh so bold tonight but he liked it. He got one hand into Josh's hair and let the other cup Josh's ass as Josh broke the kiss and started trailing kisses along his jaw and down his neck. Buck shuddered softly, a moan catching in his throat. Oh yeah, he remembered this feeling, and it was so good.

“Josh...Josh stop.” He panted, blinking up him when he stopped and looked at him confused.

“Why?” Josh licked his lips, “we both clearly want this.”

Buck groaned as Josh rocked his hips to prove his point. Buck let his hand slide from Josh's hair to stroke his cheek.

“Because I like you Josh, I like you a lot. And I have had the most insane three days since I last saw you.” He sighed heavily, “I want this, I do... I want -you-. But I want to do this right, I don't want to just... do this because I feel bad and I want to feel good and boy do you make me feel good. I just want my first time with another man, with -you-, to not be on a day when I feel like I've been through a blender.”

Josh smiled softly and then nodded, “Okay.” He kissed him softly and slipped off his lap, “I'll go get those drinks and then, if you want, you can tell me about your day.”

“Thanks Josh.”

“Anytime.”

Josh got their drinks and he sat close to Buck, Buck wrapped his arm around Josh's shoulders, prompting Josh to lay his head on Buck's shoulder. They talked, about Maddie, about their parents, about Daniel, about all of it. He ended up having more than one drink and by the time they were both yawning Buck knew he was in no state to drive.

“I'll just call an uber.” He smiled, he wasn't drunk per se, but he knew he shouldn't be driving.

“And then you'll have to call another one in the morning to come get the Jeep. Just...stay here.” Josh didn't seem entirely certain and Buck frowned.

“Where would I sleep? And besides you don't really seem sure.”

Josh's cheeks darkened, “Well, you're too tall for the couch so I was thinking you could sleep... with me. In my bed.”

Buck blinked, “Josh...”

“-Just- sleep Buck. We don't even have to cuddle if you don't want to, we can just wear our boxers and our t-shirts and sleep.”

Buck watched Josh and then nodded once, he wasn't sure this was a good idea but there was something enticing about holding Josh all night, in Josh's bed no less. Josh nodded back and then moved to put the chain on the apartment door and shut off the lights.

Josh led Buck to his bedroom which, like the rest of the apartment, was perfectly Josh. Josh took his pants off and then his shirt, moving to grab the one he, apparently, normally wore to bed. Buck's mouth went dry for a moment seeing Josh without his shirt. He wasn't fit like most guys Buck new but there was just something about Josh that made him want to lay him down and taste his skin, nuzzle his belly and make him feel good, feel -confident- and sexy.

He must've been staring because Josh tugged the shirt down and flushed, “Sorry, I know it's probably not what you were expecting.”

Buck blinked again, Josh had a habit of catching him off guard for a moment or two. “No, but not in a bad way.”

Buck moved over to Josh and gently rubbed his sides and then let his hands move to stroke his belly and up his chest a bit, watching as Josh's eyes darkened as his breath hitched a bit.

“You are handsome and gorgeous and I cannot wait to show you how much.”

Josh's cheeks flushed, “Just not tonight.”

Buck nodded, “Just not tonight.” He kissed Josh softly and then stepped back, shedding his jeans and then looking at Josh, “Alright, so uh... I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm happy I am, I'd like to cuddle, I really would. I want to hold you while we fall asleep.”

Josh swallowed passed the lump in his throat and nodded, “I'd like that too Buck.”

“You don't mind being the little spoon?”

Josh laughed, “Better than being a backpack.” He winked and Buck laughed too.

“Alright, alright good. So let's uh...”

“You think too much.” Josh laughed again and took Buck's hand, drawing him towards the bed.

It took a bit of work and some light teasing from Josh about his overthinking but eventually they got into bed, snuggled up together and under the covers. Josh turned off the light and smiled.

“Good night Buck.”

“Good night Josh.” Buck pressed a soft kiss to the back of Josh's neck, “Sweet dreams.”

Josh shivered softly at the kiss, “Sweet dreams Buck.”

That night, both men slept better than they had in a very long time...

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to follow me on Tumblr: RandoFando-Spoonie
> 
> As always kudos/comments aren't necessary but always welcomed and appreciated.


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